Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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