i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am midnight drunk by noon
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
