omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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