I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
