i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
