i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We're too hungover to prance.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
