Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
