I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
