i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
