Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
