i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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