the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
