I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
