If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he puts the penis in happiness.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
