My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
