it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
