You can't special order awesome
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
