I love black thongs
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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