i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
