I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
