I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
