Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He did a backflip because drugs
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