I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
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In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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