i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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