if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
