Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
