when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
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She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
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As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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