i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
