Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The best revenge is premature balding
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
