you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
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It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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