Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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