Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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