Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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