yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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