before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize