I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
