I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
