I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
