Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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