If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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