I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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