Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
