o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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