There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
