I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
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As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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