you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
