I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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