He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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