I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
then he tried to convert me to islam
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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