you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
