"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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