just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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