girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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