I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
