i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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