New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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