I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
