If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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