I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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