Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
