Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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